Today I want to focus on an epidemic. “Busy-ness.”
Everybody is busy these days. This is a word I hear a lot. “Oh I’ve been soooo busy this week” or “I haven’t found a second to myself” or “I’m booked and busy.” To be honest, when I hear these things, it NEVER sounds good (ok, maybe that last one sounds good, lol). A few years ago when I was jobless, I would hear these words with jealousy. Hell, I wanted to be busy too. Like many people, I thought that being busy was a badge of honor.
But when I think back to times that I was at my busiest, I was usually doing things I didn’t want to do. I was stuck editing lengthy videos for people for cheap or for free. I was working extra shifts to make ends meet and missing major life events of friends and family. It felt like I was being pulled along by some strong outside force and life was passing me by. Being busy meant eating on the run, which meant a horrible diet and digestion issues. It meant rushing from one crisis to the next. The times in my life when I had the most car accidents, the most money issues and the most horrendous, life-altering events were when I was at my busiest. And in hindsight, I see how much that wasn’t a coincidence.
These days I find joy in NOT being “busy.” I work, yes, but my main focus is on taking care of myself, enjoying my life and doing things that I WANT to do. When I make plans, I make them because I want to have a good experience, not because I’m coming up for air. What I do for a living is not exactly my life’s passion, but I thoroughly enjoy it and it pays the bills. Also, it’s flexible and gives me enough down-time to be able to pursue my own personal hobbies like traveling and painting. I don’t have children, so that’s another bonus to my non-hectic life. I say all of this to say I’m NOT busy. And I’m proud of this.
It means I’ve taken charge of my life.
Unfortunately, we live in a world that discourages everything I just said. Busy-ness is associated with productivity. Words like “hustle” and “slay” are part of “grind culture” vernacular. People are making decisions to pay the bills, but not paying any mind to their bodies or spirits whatsoever. Yes, paying bills are important but if you’re working long hours at a job that is physically and mentally taxing with no end in sight... what are you sacrificing? Valuable relationships? Valuable time? Your health? The life you actually WANT to live? These are ALL things that can NEVER be replaced. They’re priceless. As the saying goes, most of us will never be on our death bed talking about how many more shifts we could’ve picked up if we had more time.
One of the things I wish I’d have been taught in my twenties was meditation and self-care. Why? Because this would have allowed me to stop and figure out what I actually wanted in life and - in turn actually ACHIEVE this goal - as opposed to making reckless life decisions based off of fear and desperation. These decisions lead to years of stress and low-paying, dead-end jobs which lead to more stress and additional dead end jobs to supplement the money I wasn’t making at dead-end job number one and then two and then three. There was a period of time when I didn’t see my friends or family for years at a time. And every time I spoke to them I was frantically driving to my next gig talkmbout, “Yeah, sorry! I’ve been busy!”
Which leads me to my next thing...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE HOW BUSY YOU ARE
As a rule of thumb, I steer away from putting these words out there too much. I rarely say it for several reasons...
1. IT’S A WAY OF TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU DON’T VALUE THEM OR THEIR TIME - I don’t tell anyone I love that I’m too busy because I don’t ever want them to feel like I’m too busy for them. If I’m in the middle of something and they call, I ask if I can give them a call back. Sometimes, I tell them when I’ll next be free and ask if we can talk then. Only exceptions are when I literally can’t pick up the phone to say this. I, personally, try to be accessible to people because I feel like life is precious and tomorrow is not promised. Of course, it’s important to set healthy boundaries and make sure that no one is abusing this accessibility but my main point is to make sure your loved ones know where they stand with you while you have the luxury of being a part of their earthly lives (and they, yours). If you don’t value them or their time and don’t want them to ever call again... yes, tell them you’re busy until they get the point. But if it’s friends, family or people who’s relationships you actually cherish, imagine your last words to them being “I’m busy.” Imagine how that would feel to hear.
2. IT REEKS OF INCOMPETENCE - Being busy isn’t as good a look as people think. Part of what I do in my professional life is form relationships and partnerships on various projects. People who are constantly “busy” make the worst business partners, hands down. It takes them longer to return messages. They’re forgetful and irritable. They can rarely carry their end of the work load. They’re rushing from one thing to the next. Eating on the run and careening into crisis after crisis, similar to me when I was a slave to my ridiculous schedule. Against common belief, busy-ness doesn’t always mean an abundance of opportunities... often times it means poor time-management skills. I steer away from working with people who wax on about their busy schedules because it is not a good selling point. But it surprises me how much people think it is. I don’t tell people how busy I am because I don’t want to scare off opportunities. If you tell the universe you’re too busy, She’ll believe you. (And every one of us is a small part of the universe.)
Sidenote: I also don’t tell people how free my schedule is but that’s its own blog post. The point is to make time in your day for yourself and don’t go blabbing your whole schedule to the whole world.
With this post, I hope you feel encouraged to set some time aside to recalibrate and ask yourself important questions like am I busy with things that I want to do? Do I make time for the experiences in life that bring me joy? Do I appreciate them? (Remember, what you appreciate, appreciates.) If you’re not feeling the things that are taking up most of your time, think about the state of mind you were in when you accepted those responsibilities in the first place. Visualize exactly what you want and stay in whatever state of mind this visualization conjures in order to attract the life you want.
Take control. Don’t hand over the power to anyONE or anyTHING to create your life.